


Demons

by procrastinating_professional



Category: jacksepticeye
Genre: Cutting, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Not Beta Read, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Why Did I Write This?, please tell me if i forgot something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:35:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26879059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/procrastinating_professional/pseuds/procrastinating_professional
Summary: The first cut is the deepest, they say.How right they are.Read the trigger warnings, this bitch is nasty!
Kudos: 9





	Demons

**Author's Note:**

> Heyho, peeps!  
> I apologise in advance for how dark this one got. Please keep in mind that suicide is never the solution. If you have thoughts that plague you, seek help please. There is always someone who loves you, even if you may not see it at first. Believe me, I've been there.  
> And if push comes to shove, talk to me. I will listen. Just, please. Stay safe. 
> 
> ~lia💜

He doesn't want this. It isn't his fault. It can't be. But still...

"Chase?" 

The sound is muffled by the locked bathroom door.

"Buddy, are you still in there?" 

He doesn't bother to answer. This is about him. Not about the others. He has to deal with this himself.

A knock on the door. The handle is pushed down a few times. 

He ignores it. All he can see is the mirror. The picture it displays couldn't have been worse.

His hair, way messier than usual, the cap doing a horrible job at covering it up. Bloodshot eyes staring back at him blankly and slowly he realises how dry they actually feel. 

_Probably from all this crying lately._

His skin is as pale as Marvin's uncoloured mask. 

Another knocking sound, a bit more gentle this time. 

"Chase? Heya, pal, it's me, Jack. Just wanted to check on you. Jackie said you've been in there for quite a while now. Can I do anything for you?" 

A small sigh escapes Chase's lips. Why won't they stop bothering him? 

"No, I'm fine. Thanks for checking, I guess."

As a response, there are quiet whispers coming from outside the door, he can't quite make out any words. Probably the same as every time though.

"I can't get him out."

"He says he's fine."

"Do you really believe that?"

_Do I? No. Obviously not._

His gaze never leaves his reflection. Then out of nowhere, the voices become louder.

"Of course I don't. All he's been doing is **lie** and **fail**. This guy's a **fucking loser**."

"I know, right? And to run away from everything? How **pathetic** that is."

"He knows what he's done. He can run, but he can't hide, that's for sure."

"It was his **fault** after all."

"He's the one to **blame** , exactly. Can't do anything right."

" **Loser**."

"I **hate** him so much."

"Can't he just **disappear**?"

"All if our **problems** would be **solved** if he did."

"She took the kids for a good reason. Probably best, if they don't know how **weak** their **failure** of a father is."

"Please just **die** already."

He doesn't realise he is clutching his head until his skull begins to throb with searing pain. His vision goes blurry again and tears threaten to spill out of his eyes, until he can no longer hold back and lets them flow.

Slowly, his knees start to give in and he sinks to the floor, sobbing violently.

They are right. Everything they accused him of is true.

His back against the bathtub now, he slowly stretches out his legs, as far as the small room allows it, his feet meeting with a small closet. 

Would anyone even miss him? Would they even care?

Jack won't have to deal with him anymore. The dude is always very busy and there has been more than one incident where Chase would run into him while he was recording stuff for the channel. Then Jack would get mad at him as he had to start all over again.

With him gone, one less thing for Jack to worry about.

Marvin and him aren't that close. Sure, they would hang out around the house and occasionally, the magician wanted him to participate in one of his tricks, but other than that...

There are still plenty of other people who can play the role of the assistant.

Anti, well... there wasn't anyone this guy liked. So based on that, one person more or less in the house who he could prank won't change a whole lot, will it? 

JJ had obviously never been a talkative person. If the two sometimes ran into each other, he would sign 'Hello' or 'How are you today?'. That was everything Chase understood anyway. 

The youngest family member could have said anything about him, he wouldn't have known. Who's there to guarantee that JJ didn't actually throw all kinds of old British swear words and curses at him?

So surely, the time traveller isn't too find of him as well. 

When it comes to the good doctor, Chase isn't too confident about their friendship anymore. After Henrik saved his life back in April 2017, they have kind of become buddies. But recently, Chase noticed how distant Henrik has become towards him. He doesn't smile te way he used to when he sees him.

He's probably heard about the divorce and all the fighting over the kids. And about Chase's alcohol problem that has deteriorated even more over the last couple of months. That surely was the source of his behaviour.

Just another person who thinks of him as a weak nobody.

Same with Jackie. The hero is barely home. So, why would he care? Chase is just another person he has to worry about. And Jackie's already got a whole city to protect and save.

Why having to care for an extra person?

As he finishes his train of thought, there's another bang coming from the door.

"Chase Brody, you open up the door this instant, or I'll..."

This German accent is unmistakable.

"Or you'll what, huh?" The father is shocked by the shaking, thin sound coming from the back of his throat, but continues all the same.

"You force me to take more medicine? You diagnose me with some sort of disease just so you can cut me open and tear my insides out?" 

Part of him is shocked at his words, the other, much bigger part just doesn't care anymore. He _wants_ to hurt him. He _wants_ to be hated. So bad. With every word, more tears pour out of his eyes and onto his favourite gray shirt. 

And hate he gets. He hates himself so much. 

And it just gets worse when the doctor doesn't even answer him.

Unable to think clearly, he gets on his knees and opens the closet. It doesn't take him long to find what he's looking for. 

He takes one of the razors, Jack's extra sharp ones, and separates the actual blade from it.

This is the only solution.

No way out.

He can't stand this anymore.

He can't stand himself anymore.

His breath stumbles out of his lungs uncontrollably as the cold metal touches the sensitive skin of his inner arm. He can hear his heartbeat racing in his ears, his whole body trembling and quivering to no end.

If he does this, it will all be over. Nobody will have to pretend to care anymore. Stacy will finally get what she wants. The kids won't have to see their dad sad anymore. Everyone can just go on about their lives.

He will finally be strong enough to pull something off. He can prove that he isn't backing away from a decision he made. And ridding all of the people involved of at least one additional burden is only a positive addition to that.

He presses the blade harder against his left arm. It doesn't hurt as much as he has expected. 

He finally draws blood.

The first cut is the deepest, they say.

How right they are.

A few tears drop down his face and land on the wound, the stinging and burning sensation making him hiss quietly.

This is his well deserved punishment.

There is a voice coming from the other side of the door again.

"What are you even doing in there? Don't you wanna come out?" 

**Pathetic.**

Chase ignores Marvin. He presses the back of his hand against his mouth to prevent small and subtle cries from escaping as he rushes the sharp metal over his wrist again and again and again.

He deserves this.

"Chase? Are you okay?" More banging at the door.

"Open up, please!" 

**Useless.**

More and more of the salty liquid falls into the cuts. Blood is dripping down his arm, it's everywhere, the floor, his shirt, jeans and socks.

His crying gets louder as he slits the razor blade across his arm harder and faster. At this point, he doesn't even want to cover up anymore. 

He slowly brings the knife-like weapon to his neck.

It will be over so very soon.

Suddenly, the door bursts open and a very upset Jack comes running into the bathroom.

"NO!" 

Chase quickly runs the blade across his throat. Coughing up blood and falling back limp onto the lap of his screaming friend, he can make out Jack's terrified expression and his mouth shouting muted words at him. He sees the doctor rushing in to see his wounds.

The broken man raises the corners of his mouth one last time.

Then, everything went blurrier than it had ever been before, turning pitch black in an instant.

Finally, he is at peace.

But he has no idea what he just did to them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Seriously, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Talking was the best choice I made when I was dealing with suicidal thoughts and self-worth issues. It really helped me, so I want to give something back and do the best I can. 
> 
> Be safe!💜


End file.
